Friday, October 13, 2006

Oil Rich Calgary Hard Over Surging Profits

Euphoric over surging oil and gas profits, and soaring on the wings of rising greenhouse gas emissions, Calgary is celebrating its booming economy with plans to pop the country's second largest boner.

Today, Encana announced its $1 billion plan to construct a 59 storey office tower in downtown Calgary. The tower will be the tallest office building west of Toronto and serve to further masturbate Calgary's ego, as city politicians and business leaders alike celebrate their bulging pockets and increasing intimacy with American markets.

But despite widespread celebration of Encana's plans, the announcement put Prime Minister Harper in a tough bind. Though a staunch defender of Alberta's right to pollute, the masturbatory implications of Calgary's impending woody have put him at odds with his religious supporters.

"This is a good plan approach for Calgary.", said the PM, "I mean, its not like it looks like a gay erection or anything."

Construction starts next year, with doors slated to open in 2010.


Dylan said...

A very typical response from a Vancouverite.

Lest we forget that Vancouver houses the third largest population in the country and has the second most expensive city; right after Toronto.

And you don't suppose that Vancouver hosting the 2010 Olympics isn't "masturbating" their own giant ego erection as the BC government, backed by Vancouverites support of the Olympic bid, destroys wetlands and wildlife habitats to expand the highway to Whistler?

Our Encana project is as a result of a strong economy (supply and demand) while your pet project is a result of the search for fame.

And by the way, greater Vancouver has some of the worst smog in the country with it's population on the rise.

"Some cheering statistics: while Vancouver is Canada's third largest city, air quality problems are worse in 10 other major centres. And while some cities (Toronto, for one) have to contend with smog drifting in from other areas, we on the Pacific Coast have only ourselves to deal with."

Furthermore, I'm all in favour of taking stabs at the CPC for being homophobic (which many of them clearly are), but linking the SoCon movement (and base) of the CPC to the construction of a 59 story office building in downtown Calgary is ridiculous at best.

Are you suggesting that perhaps the CPC really wouldn't "approve" of the building if it looked like the phallic CN Tower? Get a grip.

59 stories, 1 Billion dollars and something far greater than Vancouver could ever put together. Is it a symbol of Calgary's greed? Perhaps.

But then again, we need the office space for all the British Columbians streaming across the Alberta boarder.

Odiyya said...

Actually, what I'm suggesting (check that, what I am doing) is writing a satire. I toyed with the idea of placing a disclaimer at the bottom of the post indicating that point in black and white; however, I opted to give my readers more credit than that.

I'll leave it to you to tell me if I was right, or wrong in assuming readers would know the difference.

Jason Bo Green said...

It's a beautiful building.

I'm an environmentalist and believe very very very strongly in tall downtown buildings. I hate to see a ten story building go up when a 60 story building could go up.

Density and concentration is the way to go - NYC is a far more environmentally friendly city than Toronto. If NYC was built like Toronto, it would be vastly, vastly bigger.

Now that I have lived in Toronto for awhile, I'm finally starting to get excited about it, as more and more and more highrises go up.

There's a problem with the extreme majority being single-person dwellings (they don't encourage families to live downtown, but to drive in from suburbs), but it's a great start to get onto. Density creates easier mass transit and reduces sprawl. It is the clear way to go.

I think that legitimate satire would have focused on the negative opinions of any opponents to this building. Calgary is headed for doom with poor, poor urban planning - this is a step (a tiny baby-crawl) in the right general direction.

Odiyya said...

Well put, and I couldn't agree more. Density is definitely the way to go.

If you haven't seen it Radiant City is well worth the watch. Its a documentary on suburbia filmed in Calgary.